Special K

lets get it and make a drivers club track car out of it.. who's in? I'll throw in 1k 

Thanks Guys and Girls , been a hard time over the last year , Dad is getting better every day , he made so much progress far better than anyone expected, he still kicks my arse.
 
Again thanks.

I paid £60 for Friday night and £75 for Saturday night. (Mine includes 2 Spa treatments, a quick dip in the pool and a rub-down with the Sporting Life..)
 
 
Spec K

Oh my gawd....
 
.. if Faith likes it.... it's 'bling'.... !
 
 
AARRGGHH !!!
 
 
<bangs head on table... bangs Keethos' head on table... throws wife out of back door and gives cat goodnight kiss in bed...>
 
 
Spec K

I have just renewed my road fund tax... to be told that, from 01 October I won't need to display a tax disc.
 
This would be a cracking place to display a Club sticker, in my view... any chance of getting one?
 
 
Spec K

That's very true, Dave.... very true....
 
My fault, I should've told you that post offices don't open on a Sunday.. but I'd forgotten it was Sunday, couldn't hear the church bells over someone's ultra-loud exhaust....
 
Wonder who that was...... 
 
Spec K

As a bagpiper I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be in a pauper's cemetary in the back country.
 
As I was not familiar with the backwoods I got lost and, being a typlcal man, I didn't stop for directions.
 
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt very bad and apologised to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looke down - the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do so I started to play..
 
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather round. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family or friends. I payed liek I've never played before...
 
And, as I played 'Amazing Grace', the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. Our keen, heartfelt sorrow was evident to behold..
 
When I finished, and those wonderful emotional chords echoed through the trees, I packed away my pipes and headed for my car..  as I opened the door to my car I heard one of the workers murmur "I never seen nothing like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.."
 
Spec K

Blindingly quick circuit... and very daunting in some areas, with tyre walls 5 metres off the circuit and a lorra lorra trees... but a good crowd of competitors with Toyokid (Steve) plus son Jordan in attendance and Pitman (Dave) popping their track cherries.. and Chopper (Tim) turned up with a GT86 driving mate to watch proceedings..
 
Loads of GT86 spins... all without mishap..
 
... Alec decided that his days track practice on Saturday (at which he got told off for squealing his tyres too much, ha ha..) was incomplete without a tank-slapper.. then the cheeky so-and-so whips out his K&N filter, sticks a standard one in and drops down a class to N3... bloody trophy-hunter, he is... 
 
Adrian wasn't there, as Rita is on the verge of sprogging, (if not already a tad slimmer..), so the hugely helpful advice which he so willingly gives for free at every TSS round (but only to us GT86ers..) was missing... so no F1 competitors, nor N1..
 
Stan the Man was unbelievably quick following his days practice.... to get third  overall in an n/a GT86 certainly made some of the regulars sit up and take notice... Lauren was second in the N2 class and Paul was third..
 
Great to see Pitman out for the first time in his turbo car. Understandably taking it very easy in his pride and joy and being hyper-cautious... but even he managed a spin!! I too was taking it easy - both Alec and Stan kindly took me out on Saturday afternoon as a passenger (I didn't track on Saturday, worried I'd fail the noise limit..) but I managed to pip Dave for the F2 class win. Mebbe it was my advice to him - to brake at least 400 yards before each bend and don't forget your hand signals - which delayed his progress.. I'll let you guess what hand signals he was giving me...
 
There is one issue which potential GT86 trackies need to take note of and this was emphasised by Javelin. We GT86ers have to carefully watch our noise, as tracks are now getting hyper sensitive, not only with static noise testing but also on drive-by. Twice yesterday we had to stop proceedings as the sprint cars had exceeded the 102db limit. Some roadgoing aftermarket exhausts are too bloody loud - and places like Croft, Rockingham, even Snetterton - are unyielding when it comes to excessive noise..
 
Anyway, it was a really good day. My only issue was the 240-odd mile drive back yesterday evening... after a day enjoying top quality driving the journey home was agony - the A1/M11 was a chimpanzee's tea party and it took me four hours to get back..
 
They say you're as old as you feel. If that is so, can someone lend me a 19-y-o blonde bimbo who won't mind being groped by an old man..?
 
Spec K

other options = gopro & iphone with duck tape

A few for JAE  -
 
My wife told me - "Sex is better on holiday". That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive..
 
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet..
 
My wife has been missing for a week now. The police told me to prepare for the worst, so I've got all her clothes back from the charity shop..
 
I was expelled from school. In the school play I completely misunderstood the stage direction - "Enter Ophelia from behind"
 
My neighbour is half-American and half-Iraqi. He's his own worst enemy..
 
Mother-in-law came in with a duck under her arm. I said "What are you doing with that cow?". She said "It's not a cow, it's a duck!" I said "I'm talking to the duck".
 
The missus hasn't spoken to me for a week and all because I didn't open the car door for her.  I panicked and swam to the surface...
 
Every morning for the last week a German shepherd has come and crapped on my front lawn. He did it again today and this time he brought his dog as well..
 
 
Spec K

Update.....
 
Miraculously a new VVTI Controller - plus bits - has appeared.... and I must thank John Crisp (Service Manager at Hills of Woodford) for talking to TGB Customer Services and ".. making them an offer they can't refuse.." (not sure whose bed he put the horse's head in...) - from nine weeks lead time to three days...
 
My car is now in the workshop. It's a race against time to see if the whole lot, plus Fensport remap, can be completed before Croft... but everyone is focussed on it..
 
I've got everything crossed.... my legs are squashing something I'd forgotten existed...
 
 
Spec K

Points to ponder...
 
 
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize..
 
Borrow money from pessimists  -  they don't expect it back
 
All those who believe in psycho kineses, raise my hand
 
I almost had a psychic girlfriend..... but she left me before we met
 
Okay, so what's the speed of dark?
 
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
 
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
 
I intend to live forever..... So far, so good..
 
What happens if you're scared half to death twice?
 
My mechanic told me "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.."
 
The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard
 
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
 
 
 
And finally,
 
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
 
 
Spec K

Interview  with 101 year-old Hattie Mae MacDonald of Gravel Switch, Kentucky -
 
(Reporter): "Can you give us some tips for reaching the age of 100, Hattie Mae?"
 
(Hattie) :
 
"For better digestion I drink beer"
 
"In the case of appetite loss I drink white wine"
 
"For low blood pressure I drink red wine"
 
"High blood pressure calls for scotch"
 
"And when I have a cold I drink schnapps"
 
 
Reporter: "When do you drink water?"
 
 
Hattie: "I've never been that sick..."
 
 
Spec K

A great afternoon/evening... a very big thanks to Rob for the grub... and his family for putting up with us.. and to all the CAT 'winners' who donated their champagne... and to Faith for bringing her mobile pub..
 
Good to meet new Members, as well as the old'uns.... c'mon Will, you know you're hooked... 
 
Spec K

Points to ponder...
 
 
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize..
 
Borrow money from pessimists  -  they don't expect it back
 
All those who believe in psycho kineses, raise my hand
 
I almost had a psychic girlfriend..... but she left me before we met
 
Okay, so what's the speed of dark?
 
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
 
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
 
I intend to live forever..... So far, so good..
 
What happens if you're scared half to death twice?
 
My mechanic told me "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.."
 
The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard
 
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
 
 
 
And finally,
 
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
 
 
Spec K

James - 'tyre proflle' is a percentage of the width, not a fixed measurement..
 
Thus, a 245/45/17 profile will have a higher wall height than a 235/45/17 profile. 'Wall height' on a 245 dia tyre is 110.25mm - 'wall height' on a 235 profile tyre is 105.75mm
 
There's your 4.5mm...
 
Spec K

Hi Mike, welcome...
 
Sounds like you're a more mature petrolhead - like me, kids grown up, in a rut.... (a 'rut' is a 'grave' with the ends kicked out...)
 
I agree with Jay - exhaust is the first must-have in most people's view. You can include in Jay's list AVO, Blitz and Hayward & Scott.
 
Think about what exhaust manifold you want to run before you go second cat delete. There are greater power (and sound!) benefits to be had getting rid of the std. manifold (with its cats) and replacing the second cat with a high-flow version. Your car will still meet emissions regulations if you go for a decent cat.. Mark at Abbey has been playing with removing the std. manifold cats or there are proprietory systems out there - Borland springs to mind but others on this Forum have experience of various makes.
 
However, if you're thinking of eventually going f/I don't waste your money buying a 2.5" system, go straight to a 3".
 
Beware! Once you start you are hooked! It may have been love at first sight of the GT86 but she is a demanding Mistress and expects nothing less than total devotion!
 
 
Spec K

Text from my grandson -
 
< Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said "fried chicken"
 
She said I wasn't funny but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. 
 
Grandad, you told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal.
 
I told Dad what happened and he reckons that my teacher is probably a member of the RSPCA. He said they love animals very much.
 
I do too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the Headmasters Office. I told him what happened and he laughed too. Then told me not to do it again..
 
Next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite LIVE animal was. 
 
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
 
She sent me back to the Headmaster's Office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
 
Grandad, I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
 
Today my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her "Colonel Sanders"
 
Guess where the f**k I am now...  >
 
 
 
Spec K

Text from my grandson -
 
< Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said "fried chicken"
 
She said I wasn't funny but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. 
 
Grandad, you told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal.
 
I told Dad what happened and he reckons that my teacher is probably a member of the RSPCA. He said they love animals very much.
 
I do too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the Headmasters Office. I told him what happened and he laughed too. Then told me not to do it again..
 
Next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite LIVE animal was. 
 
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
 
She sent me back to the Headmaster's Office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
 
Grandad, I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
 
Today my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her "Colonel Sanders"
 
Guess where the f**k I am now...  >
 
 
 
Spec K

Interview  with 101 year-old Hattie Mae MacDonald of Gravel Switch, Kentucky -
 
(Reporter): "Can you give us some tips for reaching the age of 100, Hattie Mae?"
 
(Hattie) :
 
"For better digestion I drink beer"
 
"In the case of appetite loss I drink white wine"
 
"For low blood pressure I drink red wine"
 
"High blood pressure calls for scotch"
 
"And when I have a cold I drink schnapps"
 
 
Reporter: "When do you drink water?"
 
 
Hattie: "I've never been that sick..."
 
 
Spec K

One day teacher was talking about marriage in class...
 
" Johnny, what kind of wife would you like?"
 
" Miss, I wanna wife like the moon.."
 
"Wow! What a choice!.... do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon?"
 
"No Miss. I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning.."
 
 
Spec K

Aaah, can you please send a replacement rev counter needle as mine is now bent.........not a problem as I don`t really want to trash my clutch & transmission just yet.

Text from my grandson -
 
< Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said "fried chicken"
 
She said I wasn't funny but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. 
 
Grandad, you told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal.
 
I told Dad what happened and he reckons that my teacher is probably a member of the RSPCA. He said they love animals very much.
 
I do too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the Headmasters Office. I told him what happened and he laughed too. Then told me not to do it again..
 
Next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite LIVE animal was. 
 
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
 
She sent me back to the Headmaster's Office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
 
Grandad, I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
 
Today my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her "Colonel Sanders"
 
Guess where the f**k I am now...  >
 
 
 
Spec K

... or you could install a driver seat cushion....?
 

 
Spec K

Caral, be interesting to hear if he's planning to 'Sprint' it.... I'm being outnumbered by superclawed beasties in the F2 class...
 
Spec K