Special K

A couple were out doing some Xmas shopping together. The shopping centre was packed
and, as the wife emerged from a shoe and handbag shop, she was surprised to find that
her husband was nowhere to be seen.
 
Irritated because they had a lot to do, she called him on his mobile to ask him where he was.
 
In a subdued voice he said " Do you remember that jewellers' we went into a couple of years ago,
where you fell in love with that beautiful diamond necklace that we couldn't afford and I promised
that I would buy it for you one day?
 
Barely able to contain her emotions and with tears already forming in her eyes she said
" Yes, of course I remember that shop.."
 
"Well" her husband said "I'm in the pub next door.."
 
Spec K

Conjecture -  Horner will take over from Ecclestone... Brawn will go to Red Bull.... Newey will leave to pursue his America's Cup Yacht dreams.. and the new regulations/incredibly close, skilfull driving  will result in a massive resurgence of interest in F1...
 
..these new spectacles have a nice pink tint to them...
 
Spec K

So God said to Adam " I wnat you to go down to the valley..."
 
"What's a valley?" asks Adam. God explains then continues -
 
"... cross the river.."
 
"What's a river?" asks Adam.  God explains...
 
"... up the other side to the cave.."
 
"What's a cave?" asks Adam. Somwhat testily God explains, then
 
"... find the woman and procreate."
 
"What's procreate?" asks Adam. God, quite exasperated by now,  explains and Adam goes on his way..
 
Twenty minutes later Adam asks God...
 
 
 
"What's a headache?"
 
 
 
Spec K

Nescafe chief finally gets an audience with the new Pope..
 
"Your Holiness - we would like to donate 100million Euros to the Church"
 
"A gracious gift" says Pope Francis, nodding benevolently..
 
"Err, we would like you to change one word in your Liturgy - Lords Prayer - from ".. give us this day our daily bread"   to ".. give us this day our daily coffee.."
 
"I am sorry my son" says he Pope " .. this is the Lord's words and cannot be changed.."
 
"Holiness" says Nescafe, ".. we anticipated reluctance on the Church's part. May I increase the offer to 300million Euros, if you will change the word..?"
 
Francis smiled benevolently. "My son... beloved of the Church.. you must understand that the word of the Lord is sacrosanct. It cannot be changed.."
 
Nescafe - "My spiritual Leader and Leader of my daily devotions... our 'Liturgy' was translated off ancient Aramaeic hologryphs, then into Latin. No way can we verify or justify 'bread' as the translation .... "
 
"... our final offer - 500million Euros.That's HALF A BILLION EUROS. Every year. Please will you consider our offer..?" and he left..
 
Pope calls a Convocation of the Vatican and all the Bishops turn up..
 
"Holy Brothers - I have good news and bad news" says Pope Francis..
 
".. the good news is that we will be receiving half a billion Euros into the Vatican coffers.."
 
 
"What's the bad news?" as Bishop Abernathy.
 
 
 
 
 
" We will be losing the Hovis account..."
 
 
 
Spec K
 
 
 
 
 
 

Nescafe chief finally gets an audience with the new Pope..
 
"Your Holiness - we would like to donate 100million Euros to the Church"
 
"A gracious gift" says Pope Francis, nodding benevolently..
 
"Err, we would like you to change one word in your Liturgy - Lords Prayer - from ".. give us this day our daily bread"   to ".. give us this day our daily coffee.."
 
"I am sorry my son" says he Pope " .. this is the Lord's words and cannot be changed.."
 
"Holiness" says Nescafe, ".. we anticipated reluctance on the Church's part. May I increase the offer to 300million Euros, if you will change the word..?"
 
Francis smiled benevolently. "My son... beloved of the Church.. you must understand that the word of the Lord is sacrosanct. It cannot be changed.."
 
Nescafe - "My spiritual Leader and Leader of my daily devotions... our 'Liturgy' was translated off ancient Aramaeic hologryphs, then into Latin. No way can we verify or justify 'bread' as the translation .... "
 
"... our final offer - 500million Euros.That's HALF A BILLION EUROS. Every year. Please will you consider our offer..?" and he left..
 
Pope calls a Convocation of the Vatican and all the Bishops turn up..
 
"Holy Brothers - I have good news and bad news" says Pope Francis..
 
".. the good news is that we will be receiving half a billion Euros into the Vatican coffers.."
 
 
"What's the bad news?" as Bishop Abernathy.
 
 
 
 
 
" We will be losing the Hovis account..."
 
 
 
Spec K
 
 
 
 
 
 

Lauren, I met up with Johnnie (ObeWan) at Spa. (He lives in Belgium but I think he's Dutch..). 
 
Took him for a couple of round Spa as a passenger in my car... he came back to our hotel for a Coke (yes! Beau Site! Rene says 'allo allo'....).
 
He started texting his Facebook mates who handn't bothered to turn up so I asked him what he was texting... ".. I am telling them that there were other skid marks apart from on the the track.." he said.
 
Dunno what he meant.. 
 
(Anyone fancy a trackday at Jerez?)
 
 
Spec K

There has been speculation over whether the GT86 will pass the DGA 2500 MOT exhaust emissions test if the primary cats are deleted (I have already published that primary cats alone meet the legal minimum)
 
As promised, I had my (Fensport turbo'd) car tested yesterday. This is fitted with a 200 cel high-flow secondary cat supplied by and mounted in a Hayward & Scott exhaust system, engine management remapped by Adrian.
 
On both 'high boost' and 'low boost' maps it met the requirements -
 
Fast Idle Test -
CO - 0.014 (max. 0.200)
HC -  11   (max 200 )
Lambda -  1.011  (max 1.030)
 
Natural Idle Test -
CO - 0.016  (max. 0.300)
 
Spec K
 
 

Paddy was doing okay...Bit of diy.. painting/decorating.. had a bit of a 'thing' going, as he watered down the emulsion and finishing paint.. reduced his quoted costs and he was getting work..Then, he got the big one.. largest building in the village, the Church and Manse.. he got it! Cheapest of the lot.. har! Set up his tower scaffold and worked.. bit of sandpaper. tosh of watered-down undercoat..On the third day a sudden great big black cloud appeared over the Church... huge clap of thunder.. bolt of lightning.. threw him off his perch and he fell to the ground, as his paint (watered down with turpentine) was washed off the whole building by the torrential rain that followed..... Paddy knew - this was a sign from God.. he struggled to his knees and declared "God! I've done wrong to your house.. I'm a sinner.. what can I do to make amends?"And this booming voice from the heavens replied...(...are you ready for this..?)" REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE..!"Spec K

Sorry Rich but I feel very bitter and twisted by my 'ban' from the other Forum (which is the second time for me!). Other than registering this company (which is limited by guarantee with all profits ploughed back into it for the benefit of Members) and remaining a 'Trustee shareholder' I have nothing to do with its management or daily/weekly development. As agreed when my previous ban was lifted I have not discussed nor brought up the matter subsequently on his 'Forum' - yet he still decides to screw me today! Why? The company management is in the hands of its directors, not me. I own shares in a number of companies and would ask a relevant question - would Tescos ban me from shopping in their store if I owned Morrison shares? Or if I owned the little grocery shop next door? What have I done to 'damage' him or his money-making schemes? Does Dan really believe he has a monopoly over the name 'GT86 Owners'? If he does, why didn't he protect it as a registered company? Or any of his other 50-odd 'Forums' ? To get an email today which says "I have therefore decided to..." and then have the discourtesy/rudeness not to sign it by name but send it from 'info@gt86ownersforum' is about as badly-mannered as I have encountered in over 40 years of business/social dealings. No - not 'badly-mannered' - it shows someone is a retard. I have done more to support and build the 'social' side of his fscking Forum than anyone else - who organised the Autosport Show for 'members' last January? Who has organised two 'Essex Meets', the last one a blinder karting? Who has organised/negotiated the 'BHP Festival' at Lydden next year for all GT86 owners? Who has enthused about the TSS series and took the first plunge at it, encouraging the largest turnout at Blyton Park? (And yes - Toyota *ARE* aware of my influence, hence my hints on his Forum regarding BHP...) . I do hope someone will have the courage to post this reply on Dan's Forum - such childish and immature reaction is cutting one's nose off to spite one's face. Spec K